the music

Sitting here in my office, stacks of mails on my left, and my cd player on my right and my ears are absorbing the words from the music that i'm listening to.
just can't imagine i end up inside this building called office not in a huge old one called theatre. maybe this is how my life should go. maybe no matter what i studied, i will end up like this.

"love me, love me, say that you love me..... need me, need me, just say that you need me..."
yah just say that you love me and need me. you messaged me, said that you'll come tonight. i was happy for a while, but i press that feeling. thinking about something else to occupy my brain. i don't want to be too happy. i want to forget that you said you want to come tonight. i forget it. and now i forgot about it.

Still trying to make myself busy by typing this blog. yeah look so busy with my hand crawling on the keyboard, hitting all the things trying to make a word out of it. my brain is squeezed trying to find a right word to put for this sentence. tired. tired of waiting. tired of making myself as if i'm okay. as if there's nothing wrong with my life and as if all the people likes me with no exceptional.

Yes, all looks wonderful. i wake up in the morning, go to work, at night i can do whatever i like and whatever i want.
Someone called last night, asking me to join his company as a model. photo model. and i asked myself, i don't think i can do it. i just can't express myself in front of camera if there is somebody else looking at me behind or not behind the camera. and all the photo that i have i took myself. whatever....i would rather be the make-up artist and make people looks good no matter how ugly they are inside.