Tuesday, September 13, 2005

aku terlanjur..

aku sudah pernah bilang berkali-2 sampai pegal urat-2 di sekitar mulutku. Kalau aku tidak suka jatuh cinta. Aku benci jatuh cinta. Jatuh cinta itu hanya membikin repot saja. Membuat hidup manusia yang semestinya tidak rumit menjadi runyam. membuat jidatku yg mulus menjadi berkerut.

Bukan maksudku juga untuk jatuh cinta. aku terperangkap oleh umpan bajingan laknat yg sekarang hatiku mencintainya. susah aku dibuatnya. hatiku menjadi banyak sekali cabikan-2 luka yang bajingan itu goreskan.

aku ingin sekali memanjat dinding jurang cinta. tapi terlalu licin oleh kasih. aku coba berkali-2 tetapi semakin aku mencobanya, semakin dalam aku terperosok jurang cinta yang semakin dalam dan semakin pekat. Hangat. kuakui itu. tetapi terlalu pekat. itu mengapa org bilang cinta itu buta.

kini aku hanya bisa diam didasar jurang cinta. aku telah terlanjur jatuh cinta. bila sudah waktunya nanti mungkin aku akan mati didalam dasar jurang ini karena mungkin dengan waktu, dinding jurang itu atau bahkan dasar jurang itu sendiri tempat dimana aku berpijak, akan mengeluarkan titik titik racun benci yg dengan demikian cepat, menjalar ke seluruh sel di dalam badan dan otakku.

Friday, September 02, 2005

knock...knock

girl: -knock knock-

Boy: "Yes?"

Girl: "I'm here."

Boy: "Yes?"

Girl: "I'm here. Waiting..."

Boy: "Yes?"

Girl: "Nothing. Just to inform you.."

Friday, August 26, 2005

I fall in love again

Aku jatuh cinta lagi.
Untuk kesekian kali.
Jatuh cinta lagi padamu.
Biar bulan jadi saksi tangisku dimalam hari.
Dan angin malam membawa bisikanku ke telingamu
yang tak mungkin dapat kau dengar
karna mungkin pintu telinga hatimu
tidak memperdulikan sang angin malam.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

From Internet

This is what I get from internet:


1) 94% of men lie about their penis size.According to condom manufacturers, only 6% ofmen use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect(no matter what you have heard ladies, that's thetruth).
3) 80% of American men are uncircumsized. Eventhough Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing canmake your penis grow but time (most men reachthe end of their growth by the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size andshoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technicallycalled "prostatic congestion."
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.

Some stuff on the ladies------------------------------
1) Only 9% of women around the globe considerthemselves "attractive" (20% of British women do).43% of women use the term "natural", 24% saythey have "average" looks, 8% prefer theterm "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking",and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% ofwomen say they are "sexy".
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrongsize bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants.
4) 75% of women dont like oral sex
5) 95% of women shave their privates.

Both--------------------------------
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men andwomen.
2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before theyhave graduated. 27% loose their virginity seniorprom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.

5 Reasons Why Sex is Good---------------------------------------------
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150calories every half an hour of it. It will lower yourcholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if youhave sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely toget sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater senseof well-being. Women who have more sex wereclinically proven to be less depressed than womenwho dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better- [ problem is ugly peopledon`t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in yourbody which make your skin and hair softer andshinier and tone your physic.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studiesprove that sex makes you live longer. Men whohad sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rateas those who did not indulge themselves at leastonce a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to10 years younger than you really are.

Did You Know----------------------------------------
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!

Monday, July 11, 2005

($*#_(#*$&#($*&#@_*(#&

FUCK!!!!!!!!!! what are you thinking about huh? ignore me? alright!!! ignore me whenever u want!! go ahead! FUCK YOU!!! I hate u for this!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

funny

try this

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The moon and me

The moon shines up there everynight. Loks like it's waiting for something or maybe someone. Everyone's wishing to it. Wish about their dream. I asked the moon, "don't you get tired of listening to all the wishes?"
the moon says,"No. They are all beautiful. That is what i wait every night. I wait for them to whisper me their wishes"
"Then what do you do to it?"
"I will send them a star as a sign that their wish has comes true. That's why the stars are so beautiful and everytime you see the stars, you'll know that your wish has come true."
"Then how come I don't feel that my wish has come true?"
"Sometimes people are too blind to see a little good thing that happen in them. You must learn how to appreciate even a very little good thing that you have. You'll see the stars shines even brighter than you've ever seen"
"Why do you only appear at night when the sky are dark?"
"Because only at night most people feel sad. And when people feel sad, They wish about something. Night is not as wonderful without those stars."

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

weird

It's common for people to be in a deep dilemma. So do I now. I'm having one.... Yes I have everything now. But somehow, Some of them is not what I want... Actually, Not really what I do not want but Everything that I prefer. Those are very different. When you get what you want, you'll be happy. But if you only get what you prefer, you'll have rather neutral feeling. neither sad or happy. I'm in that situation. Understand?

I do not know what to to to get out from this situation. I was thinking, if I get out from this situation, Someone might get hurt. Whoever he or she is. I myself is one of them. *sigh...

I'm going back to Jakarta late of this month though. However, like what I said, I'm neither sad or happy. owh whatever. I'm just waiting for something will happen to me....

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

me?

I want to scream
to break the emptiness,
The silent of this night.
I want to get out
from this fake face of life,
wear my own face to live.
Why do people wear those mask?
a mask that don't fit them.
Wear those fake smile,
when inside their heart,
They are crying.....
When inside their mind,
They are cursing....
Life is just a drama
where everybody play their role.
And I don't want to be one of them.
I want to be me!
The true me on stage!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Untitled - Simple Plan




I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Friday, April 29, 2005

what?!?!?!?!

*took a cigs*
*lighted it on*
ppuufff.....
aaahhhhh....

my brain is keep on going and my eyes keep on staring. looking at the ATM receipt. it's bloody 2 dollars in my bank account and 20 bucks in my wallet. and i need to survive tomorrow.hmm...

*cheking out the fridge*

i'm still lucky... my magic water (read:wine) is in it. so tomorrow at least i have something to chill out with...

*checking out the drawer*

need to choose what movie to watch tomorrow night since I definitely dun have enough bucks to spend tomorrow. just banked in the cheque though but need to ride a bloody bus to go KL on saturday.
MAN!!! from tomorrow onwards i need to create my own account book. bloody hell! my money just went missing like that seems like evaporated with all the air cos the sun these few days shone like nobody business!
*looking at the sky wanted to talk to the sun, evethough there is no sun here now* HEY!!!! i need a cooling weather these couple of days! can you lower down your heat??? what the heck!?!?!

need to squeeze my brain how to make more money. *sigh* in order to make more money i need to learn something. in order to learn something i need to attend a school. in order to attend a school i need to pay for the classes. in order to pay the classes, I NEED MONEY!@!! F*CK!!!!!

okay guys... any idea????? damn....

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

You...

There is a sky above my head,
far above me.
I wanted to reach it,
But i failed.
I fell to the ground.
You came to me with your smile,
Dried my tears away,
Covered my scars,
And hold me tight in your arms.
You made me smile
And give me hope.
And with your eyes you said
"You will always be there,
Giving me hope"

Friday, March 18, 2005

NEW LIFE NEW AGE and NEW HAIRCUT!!!

I'm no longer in long hair. Short hair now. but nice though, some people said sweet *like candy????* some people said i look 5 years younger.*of cos without my cigarette!!* I like my new hairstyle, seems like i go back to last year where everything was still alright.

I'm alright actually. I look like last year but now I am even a stronger person than i ever be. I let people to hurt me but I let my heart grow stronger. I do not hate those who had hurted me so much. In fact, I want to thank them. Thank you for some good time that you had given to me. Thank you for giving my heart a chance to grow stronger.

I miss those good time though. I can't feel it again but it will always stays in my memory. I can only smile whenevr that memories come up to the surface. I can't deny that I miss you. But my heart said I need to move on. I'm moving on. That is why I'm trying very hard for the last few days to hold myself for a while. Thinking what we had done, Claming myself and learn how to walk again. I was walking with you, you held my hands so that i would not fall. But that time, you ran away from me suddenly. I fell. I cried. But I do not give up. I can walk myself without anybody holding me. Thank you for making my legs of life stronger. Thank you for waking me up from my dream. Thank you for everything that you gave me. I will see you maybe one day. But when the day come, I will be very much stronger than I am now.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

And now all is over

"it's not you. It's just... I'm seeing someone and it's not fooling around. what we're doing will stop."

Goodbye. I'll just wait for you here. If that someone ever hurts you, you can turn around and have a shoulder to cry on. I'll be here and I try to be happy for you. You'll see me cry maybe. But just ignore me. Soon it'll be over. Or maybe it wont be over.

Too many memory in my head about you. I will need some times to erase it. Everything. Cos I am trying to prevent my eyes from crying, hold all my tears and re-create the smile on my face. The scar that you gave me wont heal. It can't be healed with anything. It will still bleed forever.
Those memory in my head are like an endless video tape playing on my brain. It is the hardest thing to move on. So hard until I have to bang my head on the wall to make the pictures go blur. the pain makes my heart stop and strangles my neck to stop breathing. I want to die. So that you can live happy without me annoying you. I'll die in a very peaceful way. I wont let you know about it. And i'll tell everybody not to tell you that I die. I want you to be happy. I'm happy to die cos I do not want to feel the broken heart which is the scariest thing for me to feel. I'll die cos I do not want to see you with her. Send my regards to your friends that know me before. I wont be around you and tell them that you've hurted me so bad.

Goodbye. I am still hoping that you realise how much I love you. Love, is the words that i never say to you cos you didn't want me to say it to you. You know.. I said this everytime I see your face, everytime you slept beside me. And everytime I'm thinking about you. I love you. That what i was trying to say all this time.

Love is so painful. It will not be painful if I die. GOODBYE.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

When I was in Jakarta


MY BELOVED PARENTS


Vina and Me (Best Friends FOREVER!)


My Cutie Lil' Cousin and Me

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The boy and the girl

Boy: "Why do you look so sad?"

Girl: "Nothing."

Boy: "Is there anything to do about me?"

Girl: "Yes."

Boy: "Then tell me..."

Girl: "Do you think that I'm still exist in your life?"

Boy: "..."

Girl: " Just tell me if I'm no longer exist in your life. I will accept it eventhough it's hard for me. I will be very sad but I will never disturb you again. I will never miss you again eventhough it's impossible for me. But I will try not to even think about you again. Please tell me. Cos I want to be free from this uncertain feeling about you."

Boy: "..."

Girl: "You don't play a fair game. I do play the fair game but not you. I was expecting it from you but it never happened. I'm tired of this game and eventualy I'm tired of you..."

Sunday, February 06, 2005

friends forever

just got together with my friends again last night. went to a pub, played pool, and when it came to the end of the night, we hug each other. three of us. Karina, Me and Edwin. Karina will go back Jakarta tomorrow for 6 months, Edwin will go back Jakarta in three months time for good, and I will stay here. When i hug them, i almost cried. I treated them like part of my soul. They are the best people in the world that i ever met. They're always on my side during happy and sad. And when they're gone, I'll have no one to turn to.
I hugged them last night and think that we will never be like this anymore. Enjoying the night together, laughter filled the room, nonsense conversation that i will miss forever.
I know that this friendship will last forever but i will miss them a lot cos i'm so used to be around them.
Goodbye my friends, hope that we will still meet each other. You guys will always be on my mind forever and i will never forget the times we've spent together. I will be very sad of course, but i still have to let you go for your own good. Continue your life guys, and please come back here. I will miss you guys a lot.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

I can't make you love me

"do you actually love him?" she asked
"yes eventually..." I sighed
"then?"
"then... i think i should lern how to let him go..."
"why?"
"why? because... i can't make him to love me" I cried
"have you ever really tried it before?"
"yes." I said while playing a song.........


Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

I cried.............

And I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me

"do you love him that much?" she asked again
"eventually...." i said. Still crying
"and eventually you feel what love is"
"and eventually it's not really pleasant enough to feel."
"well..."
"well... i'm trying to let him go. cos i can't make him to love me."
I walked away from her with a broken heart and tears kept flowing on my cheek.
"and i hope someone else will love me. i really hope that he loves me....." I shouted.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Tattva - Kula Shaker

Tattva,
acintya bheda bheda tattva (4 times)
Like the flower and the scent of summer,
like the sun and the shine
Well the truth may come in strange disguises
Send the message to your mind

Tattva,
acintya bheda bheda tattva (4 times)
At the moment that you wake from sleeping
and you know its all a dream
Still at the office. I know i should go back home by this time but i just don't have the feeling of going back....
I like the song that i play on my comp now. Destress kind of feeling.....
hmmmm maybe i should buy books. yup! and i think i have to go now....

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

*sneeze*......... *cough*

*sneeze*
*sneeze*
Bleah.... nose blocked and my throat is damn painful now. hope nothing happened to me. if something happens........ what should i do? i'm a ghost these several days. i dun have enough sleep, become alcoholic, and now blur....

went for interview last night at a pub.*you guys must be thinking what i expect you guys will think of* for Promotor position *actually this name is only to make this job sounds not too bad* basically i need to talk to customer and ask them to open a bottle of spirit or whiskey and those kind of liquor. if they want me to drink with them, i need to drink with them. that's my job scope. *told you promotor sounds too good*

Relax guys! this job is only my part time job! i will start on thursday adn i can work everyday if i want. but i won't. i still love my kidney and heart and liver. i don't want to lose them now.

*cough*
*cough*
*hold neck*
bleah my lung feels very dry. and my eyes feel very heavy for me to keep them open. my face look very tired and i'm having coffee hoping that my eyes will be a little bit lighter. just my hope. whoah! i think i need to take a nap.