Matchbox 20 - Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

bah...

i reached home with an empty hand. no cigarette and no wallet. I quit smoking. it's been 4 days already and i have to say goodbye for my wallet as well. i knew something bad will happened to me when i decided to go orchard this afternoon. if it wasn't because of mom i'll never go.

i went to orchard to take my dad's document and supposed to send it to Jakarta. but in the end i didn't send it. i realised that my wallet was not with me when i wanted to pay the mail fee. i was so upset, panic, and blur. i walked out from the post office, just walked with no direction tried to think with my suddenly stop brain and cried. i stood and cried just beside the christmas tree. how ironic can it be. i didn't cry cos it's almost christmas. i cried for my damn fucking lost wallet. i called my friend (still crying) then i called immigration regarding of my fucking lost social visit pass ans called my dad to let him know that i lost both the credit card. one of it silver and one of it gold. called my bank abt my lost atm card as well. so fucking lot things to do tomorrow.

when i lost my wallet one thing crossed my mind. i have no money at all. walking ard like a ghost with an empty stomach. thanks to my friend who picked me up and brought me for dinner. thanks to him that he lent me couple of bucks just in case i might need it. thanks for everything my friend! GOD bless you! i can't do anything in return but i know GOD will.

waiting

Waiting and waiting. Yes it is much later like what you said. Much much later. And I'm still here waiting for you until i got the feeling that you won't come. Nevermind. I know you're having fun now.

I'm still here looking out my window. Looking at every taxi that pass by whether it will turn to my house or not.

I'm still expecting you to come even though my heart told me to just sleep. But i still here and no taxi turns to my house.

Remembered when you said you can't wait to see me again soon. You said it. And i believed it. Now it seems that those were empty words. Should i believe it anymore? Why should you make me hoping?

By the time i have nothing to hold on to in my life, you left me behind. I fell down and no one help me. You said you'll be here whatever will happen to us. but now...

Maybe i shall sleep. And i hope i won't wake up tomorrow. or won't wake up forever.

if i have to die tomorrow....

if i have to die tomorrow, i won't regret for what i had done though a lot mistakes i made, it made me to what i am now. i won't hate those who hate me. cos life is too short for me to find enemy. i love all my friends, my family and my dog. although i know not all my friend likes me but i can't do anything about it. let them choose to hate me or to love me.

i won't regret a thing that happened in my life if i have to die tomorrow. it's all just a memory which is nice for me to think it back. it will bring me smile and tears to be enjoyed. cos i enjoy crying as well as smiling.

if i have to die tomorrow i won't feel diappointed cos of all the thing i couldn't do. let it be... maybe it is not what i supposed to do. maybe it's enough for me to do anything in my life.

but i will be sad if i have to die tomorrow. cos i don't have the chance to spend all my life time with someone whom i really love. never have the chance to say that i love him. never have the chance to look him in the eyes and say that i really need him in my life. maybe i will cry all day till tomorrow comes and take my soul away from my flesh. yet i will say my last word for him : "i love you"