difference....

I was in the middle of the crowd last night. All the strangers with the smile on their face. I don't know what happen behind that smiles. maybe they're happy or just to cover their sorrow. I was in the middle of the crowd, sitting while they were dancing. sitting and drinking and smoking. Yes i smoke again. and i don't know how should i feel about going back to become a smoker. that fucking nicotine just won't let me go. it's an expensive hobby here in Singapore. Very expensive indeed.

I have to go back to that crowd. i was in the middle of the crowd. surrounded by the wall and named the place China Black. I was there last night. i realise it was a long time ago since the last time i was there. me and my girl friends. sitting around, drinking, dancing and checking out all the guys. couldn't imagine that it's almost 2 years. i was still remember the first day i came to Singapore. did time pass so fast? or i just don't realise that time is actually running. i don't know.

The crowd. it was damn full of people yet i felt lonely. i can feel the fake happiness filled the air pictured through the fake smiles. i was bored. bored with fakeness fillied in the air. all my life is full of fakeness as well. how phatetic human being can make a living in the fakeness. as well as myself. does anybody realise it? or they're too not sensitive about this matter. i don't know as well. the most immportant thing is at least i can feel it and i'm trying to get out from this matter.

i'm reading a book right now. titled "Veronika decides to die" by Paulo Coelho. it's a very good book and makes me thing that if i want to get out from this fakeness matter which people find it common, i will be different from them and if i'm different from them, they will think that i'm insane. insane, mad or what it is supposed to be called is just an excuse for people to make the whole world become more predicted as human being is so lazy to accept different things in their life.