30thJuly'06 around 8+pm I wrote this:
Actor sit on a chair CS facing 6o'clock. Talking to audience. Depressed, confused and irritated.
Ok!! Alright!! Just don't scream on my ear like that! You know I don't like it if people do that to me. I'm not deaf!!! I'm normal. So Talk to me like one.
silence.
So what do you want to know from me? You want to know what I want? I told you I don't even know what I want. Do you have another question? You've been asking me that for like.... months!! Yes I've been thinking about it. YES!! Yes! I've been asking my own self too! What do you want me to do?!?! Oh! Come on! Can you just stop asking me that? Alright! Yes! I know that! I know that I'm lost! I know that I've been living my life like a zombie! I know that I have to do something with my life! I know! I know every details that happened in my life! I know that my life is going no where now. I know!!!
silence.
I need you to guide me not to scold me just because I don't know what I want.
beat.
Alright! Let me explain to you once again about my situation. Just in case you already forgot about it. You know I already have steady job. I have stable income. But I've been dragging my feet to work for the past... half a year or so. I do not care about it as much as before and actually what I've been doing is just counting down to payday everyday. And for your information, this kind of life is sucks!
beat.
You think resigning is the best solution? Then what am i gonna do next? I have no degree that required if I want to find another job in other company. What am I gonna fill my stomach with if I resign?
beat.
What?!? Ask money from my parents? I am bloody 25 years old already. Where do you think you want me to my face? I am not retarded kid who can depend on my parents forever! And you think they will have their arms widely open for that idea? I don't think so!
silence.
I am fucked. I do not wish to continue this kind of life. I have to end it as soon as possible but I just don't know what to do! That is why I need you. You, as a person who understand me better than anyone else. Yes! You!
beat.
Do you think I want to be in this situation forever?!? Do you think I chose to be in this situation?!? No! I don't! I'm in a crossroad of my life and I'm trying to make a decision in my own time. So Stop screaming at me like I'm a deaf dog!!!
crying.
Stop asking me to stop crying!!! You just don't get me! Stop making me nervous living my own life!!!
silence.
I asked you to help me with my situation in the first place. But.... You've turned to become somebody that I don't even recognise. I thought you understand me. I thought you.... Oh nevermind...
stops crying.
I don't need you anymore. You're just making my situation worst. I don't want to make myself hating you.
stands.
I'm going....
walking towards USL. stops. turns to the audience.
Don't try to find me cos you won't find me. I'll come back when I figure out what I want and what I want to do with my life.
Thanks for everything.
See you again... maybe.
exit USL.
The script a bit retarded though but this is what i did the best. after months....
Monday, July 31, 2006
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