i cooked today. basicaly nothing special for me cooking everyday. i cook everyday cos it's cheaper. I cooked soup today with luncheon meat, chicken sausage* though i know abt the bird flu thing. but who cares...* and chinese vegetable* i dunno what it calls but i like it so much. salty taste*
as i prepared all things, i open the luncheon meat can, i cut myself. the cut quite bad and it's quite painful. i cut my palm and my finger tip. but somehow i enjoy the pain. i'd rather have the pain on my hand than in my heart. Once the cut heals *on ur palm* that's it. It won't suddenly torn apart again. But in ur heart, it leaves a mark there and it's very fragile cos it will, someday, torn apart and bleed again.
i dun have the desire to live nowadays. so many things appears to block my way now. right now i'm stuck. in the middle of no where and no money. who can help? i have to help myself. no other ppl but me. and i hate it. we all know, the theory said human being need other ppl in their life. but somehow, we do things on our own. whether we can continue living this life is depend On urself.
i realise now, maybe i'm too depending on other ppl, my parents, friends, collegue and now i'm trying to stand up by my own feet to continue walking in this unknown world. *sigh... what a difficult task i'm doing now.
1 comment:
I fee you there Nina. It sucks isn't it? Knowing that you have got more to offer to life itself but the challengers just won't stop coming. You're stuck. I'm stuck. I feel so pathetic at times. But I can't seem to voice out my feelings and thoughts as much as you do. I only expressed anger now and then. Even that, it's not so brutally honest when I lay it out on the paper. This is a struggle. The struggle only people like you and I will know. A mutual understanding you may say. For now, I will lie awake on my bed, as always, till wee hours and think...think so much that my head will start throbbing with pain. -Hidy Hedea.
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