Pak Harto 1921-2008

Selamat tinggal, Pahlawanku. Semoga jalan yang kau harus tempuh di dunia akhirat tidak berliku-liku. Doaku selalu menyertaimu selalu.

Terima kasih atas semua jerih payah yang telah kau tumpahkan kepada Tanah Air kita Indonesia. Kau angkat tinggi harga diri bangsa Indonesia di muka dunia luar. Kau bumbung tinggi pula taraf hidup rakyatmu dan kau jaga keseimbangan hidup beragama, dan aneka ragam budaya yang terkandung atas negara kita.

Bagiku, dan aku yakin bagi sebagian besar rakyat Indonesia, jasamu sangatlah besar terhadap negara ini. Tanpamu, tak mungkin dapat kita raih kesejahteraan hidup pada waktu kau berkuasa.

Jangan dengarkan seru-seruan orang yang kau tinggalkan di dunia. Mereka yang menyerukan kejelekan- kejelekanmu. Beranikah mereka yang berseru-seru itu bersumpah atas sucinya hati mereka? Beranikah mereka menyangkal semua dosa-2 yang pernah mereka perbuat?

Terima kasih sekali lagi aku ucapkan hanya untukmu. Selamat Jalan, Jendral!

Puas.........

Aku disini duduk sendiri menanti jemputanmu. Sendiri aku pandangi lampu yang sudah sedari tadi padam. Aku bertanya-tanya dan mencoba menganalisa keadaan diri. Kenapa jiwa ini begitu bosan dengan segala yang telah aku miliki? Aku punyamu dan kamu punyaku. Perasaan itu makin kukuh. Lebih kukuh dari perasaan yang sebelumnya pernah aku bilang kukuh. Betul!! Sebegitu kukuhnya sampai aku ingin kita berhenti duu. Aku ingin merasakan lagi bagaimana rasanya rindu. Kau selalu menjadi yang terbaik untukku. Kau sealu sedia disaat aku membutuhkanmu. Aku merindukan rasa rindu akanmu. Aku merindukan rasa ingin melihat wajahmu. Aku merindukan rasa ingin menikmati belaianmu.

Memang manusia tercipta dengan tidak memiliki perasaan puas. Aku memiliki segalanya tetapi tetap menginginkan yang lebih lagi. Memang alam tercipta dengan segala rupa misteri. Hidup berjalan juga dengan segala keanehannya.
Andai saja aku tercipta selalu bersyukur dengan apa yang telah aku dapat. Betapa ringan dan cerianya hidup ini. Meskipun aku mencoba mensyukuri apa yang telah aku dapat, tetapi hati keciku selalu menginginkan yang lain. Menginginkan sesuatu yang mungkin manusia lain tidak bisa terima dngan akal sehat. Mungkin itulah mengapa orang selalu bilang hidup ini penuh dengan lika liku...


210108 11.05pm

my first blog in the year 2008

and... hope it's not too late to write something about my new year resolution.

Well, first of all... HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody!! hopefully you guys spent your countdown with your loved one or bunch of happy friends... I went to see fireworks. I promised i'll post the pictures soon!!

Now let's go back to my new year resolution... I'm saving my money to go to Canada and find my sis there. We'll go around Canada. Explore the country. Just the two of us!!! As this will be the first time I'll go to a country that has snow season, I'm planning to go in December 2008. I want to see snow!!! heehehehe.... yeah i want to see winter which i doubt i will see it very often in the future.

I am going to let go myself and have a good break. I've got enough stress from the course that i took. I wonder, what did i do to myself for the past year? I went to school, though it is good for me, i am tired! I am stressed out! I am going to explode.... And the worst thing, I BLOODY PAID FOR THOSE THINGS!! hahaha.. life is funny sometimes....

Ok I better go finish up my reports. I'm having my last presentation tomorrow thanks to GOD!

ciaoz.....

Personality Disorder Test

Ikut Ikutan deo aaahhhh

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

*Hasilnya datar-2 aja... boseenn!!!

201100 06:28pm

Kuterdiam dan merenung.
Menyesali semua keputusanku.
Kumelepaskanmu dan membiarkanmu pergi.
Terpuruk ku disini
bersama dengan segala kenangan indah bersamamu.
Akankah semua itu dapat kuraih lagi?
Dapatkah kugenggam lagi
semua janji yang pernah kita ucapkan dulu?
dapatkah kurasakan lagi
pelukan dan hangatnya kasihmu?
Akankah kau bersamaku lagi?

031201 00:15pm

Aku termenung disini ditemani oleh suara angin yang membelai lembut telingaku.
Gejolak rindu yang dengan lembut memanggil jiwaku bergema di hatiku.
Bayanganmu, Cintaku, dengan mesra merayuku di pelupuk mataku.
Kemanakah perginya kau, Cintaku?
Mengapa hanya ada diriku yang rapuh ini diselubungi oleh kegelapan malam yang seolah-olah siap menerkam dan menelanku kedalam penderitaan cinta yang menakutkan dan tak berujung?
Aku akan tetap disini menantimu, Cintaku, sampai kau kembali bersanding di sisiku dengan mesranya bisikan nakal cintamu yang kau bisikkan di telingaku, dengan lembutnya sentuhan jemarimu yang kurasakan di kulitku, dengan gairah cinta yang bergejolak yang kau tunjukkan dalam pelukanmu serta manisnya cinta yang kunikamti di bibirmu melalui ciuman yang kau klabuhkan di bibirku.
Cepatlah kembali, Cintaku... dan sembuhkanlah luka rinduku kepadamu yang sedang meradang perih di hatiku

diskusi kakak beradik di MSN setelah gue post puisi gue "031201 00:15pm"

edria just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

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gue mau aplod puisii

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|??//??

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??????????

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?????????

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puas??????????

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ini puisii uda 6 taun yang lalu oii

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liat aja judulnya

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bia...

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diambil dari buku puisi gue yg uda bangkotan

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hauah

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6 taun????

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hem

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masih ada puisi-2 yang is punya

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hauahuah

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masi ma mas iis??

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MASII

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OMG

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gue baru sadar!

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uda ga

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yg sesudah iss

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iis

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oh

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bukan gue kira yg ngasi lu cincin gopean

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BUKAN!!!!

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itu william

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!

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ada namanyaaa

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aina

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SUMPAH GOBLOG SEKALEEEE

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aini

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eh

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ada yg blaes komen lo

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lo bales gihh

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whahwha

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lucu juga ni orang

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si deo tidur jem 5 pagi

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hauha

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so i dont think he will wake up this time

edria says:
and i dont kno abt sigit

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kaenya masi ngimpi ma wulwul

arrhythmias tachycardia says:
hauhaa

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cepet ajeee

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uda ada yg komen!

edria says:
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uda gue bales

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hauahauhauah

eh....

Hari ini gue menimbang-nimbang, merasa-rasa dan mencicip-cicip.... setelah berpikir hampir stengah hari lamanya dan menelpon sana sini akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk BACK OUT dari mid term test gue besok.
GUE GA SIAAPPP!!!! setelah dengan percuma gue membakar habis weekend gue kemaren dengan blajar *dan upload lagu-2 jugaa.. hehe* ternyata semua usaha sia-2.

Skr pikir aja deh. Besok mid-term itu 20% hasil total. 10%-nya lagi itu individual assignment yg so pasti gue yakin bisa dapet bagus. Kalo besok gue turn up utk mid-term tes dan gagal..... gue akan kehilangan 20% gue ituuu dan kalo gue ga turn up besok, gue masih bisa claim dari final exam. Jadiii... Final exam gue harus TOKCER!!! hehehe...

FYI... subject yg besok mau mid-term itu IT. sambil blajar sambil nyanyi "You drive me CRAAAAZZYYYY!!!!"

Mid-term test high

ugh... hate it when the mid term test is coming in 2 days time... I am not ready to face it yet. I study today. I'll forget tomorrow. A bit low morale but I have to keep on telling myself that i can make it. I've learnt that faith can save your ass. No joke... Things will really turn out just like what you'd think it would be. But i just hate it when I have to study some boring subject. It's IT for goodness sake!!I just can't imagine how the hell those IT people study... Don't you find it boring?? No offense, but it is for me..

Today's Office...

My Treat of the day... Java Chips!!! An it's nice!!!


Our dear GM aka Ground Maggot suggest me to take the Taiwan's "2 0 5" act cute pose. So i did it... not alone...


~~~~"2...!!!"~~~~~~~ "0..!!!"~~~~~~~~ "5...!!!"~~~~~~

Dejavu

I met him yesterday. After almost 3 years, he still looks as good as before. A little bit older of course but he just feels the same. I was nervous (with no reason) and I felt awkward a bit. I dunno whether he feels it or not. But he commented that it was not awkward at all.
Think back when we were still used to each other, it was very sweet. He was the only person that i could talk to. He was the only person that had the same thought as i do. But now, everything had changed. Or maybe I had changed so much till It was so awkward to talk to him. I could not talk. I dunno what to talk about. He was the one who actively ask me and talk to me. I was just.... sigh...
I wish i could turn back time. If only I can talk more to him. If only i can press the awkwardness that happened inside me yesterday. If only i could hide my nervous feeling that i had. If only....
I was quite sad after the meetings. I was sad for the fact that ... everything was not done like what i expected it should be done. I felt everything was wrong!!

What our boss bought us from KOREA!

His Farm

We went to his farm last Sunday and I took several pictures out of it including the "KIDZ" (aka dogs!!). Well... here they are....


This is "Si Putih" ("white").
He is sort if the leader of the troops. He is brave but some how very playful puppy (yes he is not more than 1 year old. 10 months I think).
Because of this playful and cuddly behaviour, we call it "Kucing" (cat).









This is "Si Hitam" ("Black").
The opposite of "Si Putih". He has rather small built compare from others, very shy, scary cat dog. He do not bark, do not want people to touch him. We keep him cos we do not have the heart to throw him away. I didn't allow it to be thrown away though..






This is "Si Bogel" ("Short").
We call it "Bogel" (Short) because she is very very short and small. But she is the 'Flower' of the troops. 3 weeks ago, all the male dogs fight over her. Cos at that time, she just finished her period. Woo...
But the lucky thing is, she is not pregnant.




This is "Si Coklat" ("Brown").
The biggest dog. The fattest among all. he is very cheeky and playful. But not a very brave one. Another cat..........









This is "Si coklat ga ada buntut" ("no-tail-brown").
Rather confusing when you have 2 similar brown dog. The farm worker decide to cut away the tail for this dog. They cut it when he is still very very young. This dog is very independent. He can find food for himself. But not a very brave one. Quite a quiet one.







This is "Si Putih Cewe" ("Female-white")
Another independent dog. She is a female but i think she has not have her first period yet. Cos if yes, The neighbour dogs will come to look for her also.





This is "Si Paman" ("The uncle")
Yeah this is the uncle of the "KIDZ". My fave dog. The oldest among all. Quite and a very good dog. But he barks whenever he needs to.





I took several pictures from the farm also. Some nice view... (Click on the pics for bigger picture)
















Picture 1,2 and 3 is the view of his farm. See the white gate surround the farm? That shows hoe big the farm is. It is about 6 acre. We also have chili plant that produce a lot of chili every day. We mean DAMN A LOT of chili EVERYDAY. That I can consider it to be my next business. Haha..
See the blur picture? That is a dead fish. The funny thing is, after some inspection, this fish died because it eat too much. The stomach burst out. Stupid fish.....

My Prayers

My Lord...
Maybe I have forgotten about You
Maybe I have said nasty things about You
Maybe I have lost my faith in You
Or maybe I have turn my back to You.

My Lord...
Here I am once again kneeling upon Your face
Begging You for Your kindness
Regretting what I have done all this while.
Hope You still have a space somewhere in Your heart to forgive me.

My Lord..
I am nothing in Your eyes
I am just a single dust that fly away when the wind blows me.
I am just a nasty piece of human to You.

Please forgive me for everything that I have done.
Please give me chance to fix what i have destroyed.
Please hold my hands one more time.
Please carry me in Your arms again when I fall.
Please God... Please forgive me.

no more questions.

Why do you think i can leave you alone? Why do you think i have the strength to walk away from you?

You said there are plenty guys outhere for me. I knew it. I have been with that plenty guys outhere and I can't find anyone or anywhere called home.

I have found you, I have loved you and I will stay with you. That is not my promise. That is what i planned for my life. And you can't force me or even just ask me to change what i have planned. That is it. Nothing will change.

I am not blinded by love. I love you, yes. I am too tired to start a new love life all over again. I am too lazy to deal with heartache again. Too busy with my own stuffs to find someone new.

Please just don't ask me again whether i want to leave you or not. I guess you should know what my answers are. Just don't waste your energy to ask me any more questions. I have not enough of tears to spare.

Funny Ads!!

Thai Ads. *I felt sooo touched and sad after watching this*


Japanese Ads. *Cute!*


Thai Ads. *Rather stupid though HAHA...*

Picture

There is something wrong with this picture. Look carefully.
Found it?
confuse...? me too when i took this picture. Hahaha...

hmm

School holiday now. Felt a little bit release after the exams. I still can't believe I can answer business law's questions. It should be okay. It should pass at least....

I'm going to have my last semester start next week. I started to think what should I do after I finish my school. Suddenly I see everything became stagnant. I go to work and come back home to cook, clean the house and that's it. I have to find things to do.

The thing is.. it is so ironic. When I had a lot of things to do I will complain that I have no time to finish all the things that I have to do. When I have nothing to do, I start to find things to do and nag that I have not much things to do. Weird.. well.. it's human things I guess..

Well... let's go back to the day when I can answer all the business law questions. I was so happy after the exams. 3 of us, me and my classmates bought TOTO and hoping that we can strike most of the numbers plus i bought several numbers for 4D. Anyway... both of those also did not strike. What a lousy gambler I am. I almost strike th 4D but instead of buying 6542 i bought 6532. Missed by one single digit. Damn pathetic!

After the exam, we went to the KTV. It's my classmates' friend's KTV. It was empty. We were the only customer that came since they are open until they are close. We drank a lot and until one of my classmate had to go for jackpot. I chip in money for the jackpot and he told me that I have to get prepared to lose my S$50. I told him I am ready. And indeed when the next day he called me, I've lost my 50 bucks.

Moral of the story, i can't gamble and those who want to gamble, please do not include me in your group. Haha....

exam stress

alright.. my exam date is coming soon in exactly 2 weeks time. 3 subjects and what i have now is only 1 subject's text book. where's the others?? it is passing around among my classmate and they need to copy it.

My nerves, my joints, my muscles and even the smallest muscles of mine are tensing up. As though i am sitting in the electrocute chair and ready to take my last deep breath before i could die. It really tenses up until my brain start to think about all the negative possibility i could get.

Oh pathetic me... I have been facing a lot of failure yet i have to suffer this feeling again to get another failure. Not failure again I hope. but who knows. No one will know what this could turn out. If it turn out right, I'll be the happy bunny jumping up the sky jumping over the jingling bells to the seventh sky.

Oh... talking about bunny and bells, you guys should try this funny, stupid yet addictive game. You should try to challenge yourself to beat your own high score. go to http://ywlt.com/flash/0bells.swf and let yourself get addicted to it.

Pray hard... yes that's what i can do.. pray hard that my hands can just start writing all the answers in the exam paper. pray hard that some lucky angel will sit beside me and whisper me all the answers. Pray hard that the bunny rabbit will appear in my dreams tonight and tell me what are the question that will be for the exam pray pray pray....
i think i'll play the rabbit now... hopefully it can reduce my stress tonight. I'll count down the dooms day start from tomorrow....

too many too much

I'm stuck. I am breaking down. I just couldn't continue anymore. all the hectic life i've been making. My body just couldn't take it anymore.

I thought It would be so easy to be in a better position in life. I thought it would be like as easy as blinking your eyes to get a better life. Now i;m breaking down and I just wish to just runaway from everything that i'm doing right now.

I am breaking down. I thought what i have decided to do this year would not be that hard. It is just studying and working. It is just studying and working and tearing my body down.
I've been a sickly woman these couple of months and I'm angry to myself of being that sickly.

How I wish time could stop and let me rest. How I wish every night that I will never open my eyes tomorrow. How I wish I will never see the sunlight anymore How I wish i could just dissappear from this world. How i wish everything could stop. I am sick of all these. Just let me rest. Just let me rest in peace...