WTF

Oh.... And now everything is my fault.

My fault for being too ignorance about relationship etiquette. Guide me! I know nuts about anything! You are my parents... you supposed to educate me!

It's just like, i wake up from my sleep and found so many fingers pointing at me for creating a stupid situation.

I repeat to you again... I DON'T KNOW ANY FUCKING THING!

Just SPEAK to me like you supposed to. If you don't wanna feel worry, ASK me question. If you want me to know things, TELL me straight to my damn face!

TALK TO ME!!!
why is it so hard to just talk to me?
Don't expect me not to bang anything while I'm searching in the dark. Who asked you to leave me alone in the dark to find my way. Give my some light! A little light will do and I'm not asking you to take the whole sun to light me.

I'm tired of feeling guilty. I never asked to become an apple of your heart. This makes me go crazy. Please.... If anything happens to you, I don't want to be the one who's responsible for this. I didn't have a chance to choose my own way.
Just stop putting more and more responsibility on my shoulder. It got no more space. It got no more strength to carry anything anymore.

All i wanna ask is just to let me go a little bit. Please give me some air to breathe!

Is it true?

i'm wondering... what on earth human are created for? what on earth all the plant and all the animal are created for?
they live and they die... just to destroy the earth?

Human make a living in the earth. sometimes they can be honest to make money, they can cheat each other even kill each other.. but for what purpose?

Is it true when we do kindness we all will go to heaven?
What is heaven? what is hell?

What is good and what is bad?

What is religion? I thought religion is created by human. So those cave man who are cannibal by culture.... can they be called sinners? i don't think they know what is the meaning of sin. will they go to hell?

All these question popped up in my head. just suddenly. And i have the urge to spit it out.

..

Feel a bit down today. Maybe cos he didn't come back home last night.

*Sigh*

Why the hell am i sooo madly in love?
So maybe that's why he's my bf...

What am i talking..???

................

New Face

I decided to change the face of my blog. I'm bored with the old ones.

Hopefully I can keep my finger croosed to keep on blogging. I'm running out of stories to tell and having a not-so-good camera in hand, i can never take a good quality pictures of my everyday life.

owh... I did some photoshoots couple weeks back. I haven't really get the pics yet. Only 4 of them. I'll post the link up when i get all the pics.

See ya!
*Hopefully with more interesting stories or pics. Crossing my fingers tight!*

A "sorry"

You've said a wrong thing to me and that makes me sad. It hurts my feelings but do you even know that? Do you even know what you have done wrong?

It's been 50 hours and 23 mins since I have been ignoring you and you don't seems to be..... arrghhh.....
You make yourself think that it's the woman's hormone thing. It is not! It's just happen to be at the same time.

I am not making things difficult. I am not trying to brag that I have done the toughest thing to do to become your girlfriend. I am not asking you to treat me as a queen since i have helped you in your difficult times and I am never ever feel proud of helping you. Not at all!!

All I want is just a recognition that I am also a human. A human that doesn't want to be insulted in anyway. All that I have now in life is only you. You have me and I have you. I thought we should be opened to each other. I know sometimes human might say things that are not supposed to be said. I understand that human makes mistakes. I truly know it. I need a "sorry" and everything would be fine. A simple word of "sorry" and yet it is so hard for you to say it and I have realized that you have never say the word before.

Is it about pride? Man pride?

*sigh* I just don't understand.

Lady and The Tramp - The Siamese Cat Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxpN2XrYDLM&feature=related

Me like it a lot!!

All the memories about my young time rushed to my brain and make me smile alone.....

Pak Harto 1921-2008

Selamat tinggal, Pahlawanku. Semoga jalan yang kau harus tempuh di dunia akhirat tidak berliku-liku. Doaku selalu menyertaimu selalu.

Terima kasih atas semua jerih payah yang telah kau tumpahkan kepada Tanah Air kita Indonesia. Kau angkat tinggi harga diri bangsa Indonesia di muka dunia luar. Kau bumbung tinggi pula taraf hidup rakyatmu dan kau jaga keseimbangan hidup beragama, dan aneka ragam budaya yang terkandung atas negara kita.

Bagiku, dan aku yakin bagi sebagian besar rakyat Indonesia, jasamu sangatlah besar terhadap negara ini. Tanpamu, tak mungkin dapat kita raih kesejahteraan hidup pada waktu kau berkuasa.

Jangan dengarkan seru-seruan orang yang kau tinggalkan di dunia. Mereka yang menyerukan kejelekan- kejelekanmu. Beranikah mereka yang berseru-seru itu bersumpah atas sucinya hati mereka? Beranikah mereka menyangkal semua dosa-2 yang pernah mereka perbuat?

Terima kasih sekali lagi aku ucapkan hanya untukmu. Selamat Jalan, Jendral!

Puas.........

Aku disini duduk sendiri menanti jemputanmu. Sendiri aku pandangi lampu yang sudah sedari tadi padam. Aku bertanya-tanya dan mencoba menganalisa keadaan diri. Kenapa jiwa ini begitu bosan dengan segala yang telah aku miliki? Aku punyamu dan kamu punyaku. Perasaan itu makin kukuh. Lebih kukuh dari perasaan yang sebelumnya pernah aku bilang kukuh. Betul!! Sebegitu kukuhnya sampai aku ingin kita berhenti duu. Aku ingin merasakan lagi bagaimana rasanya rindu. Kau selalu menjadi yang terbaik untukku. Kau sealu sedia disaat aku membutuhkanmu. Aku merindukan rasa rindu akanmu. Aku merindukan rasa ingin melihat wajahmu. Aku merindukan rasa ingin menikmati belaianmu.

Memang manusia tercipta dengan tidak memiliki perasaan puas. Aku memiliki segalanya tetapi tetap menginginkan yang lebih lagi. Memang alam tercipta dengan segala rupa misteri. Hidup berjalan juga dengan segala keanehannya.
Andai saja aku tercipta selalu bersyukur dengan apa yang telah aku dapat. Betapa ringan dan cerianya hidup ini. Meskipun aku mencoba mensyukuri apa yang telah aku dapat, tetapi hati keciku selalu menginginkan yang lain. Menginginkan sesuatu yang mungkin manusia lain tidak bisa terima dngan akal sehat. Mungkin itulah mengapa orang selalu bilang hidup ini penuh dengan lika liku...


210108 11.05pm

my first blog in the year 2008

and... hope it's not too late to write something about my new year resolution.

Well, first of all... HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody!! hopefully you guys spent your countdown with your loved one or bunch of happy friends... I went to see fireworks. I promised i'll post the pictures soon!!

Now let's go back to my new year resolution... I'm saving my money to go to Canada and find my sis there. We'll go around Canada. Explore the country. Just the two of us!!! As this will be the first time I'll go to a country that has snow season, I'm planning to go in December 2008. I want to see snow!!! heehehehe.... yeah i want to see winter which i doubt i will see it very often in the future.

I am going to let go myself and have a good break. I've got enough stress from the course that i took. I wonder, what did i do to myself for the past year? I went to school, though it is good for me, i am tired! I am stressed out! I am going to explode.... And the worst thing, I BLOODY PAID FOR THOSE THINGS!! hahaha.. life is funny sometimes....

Ok I better go finish up my reports. I'm having my last presentation tomorrow thanks to GOD!

ciaoz.....